I just spent 3 days traveling from Pucallpa, Peru to Virginia. I would rather not repeat those 3 days ever. But I am very grateful for making it here safely, currently healthy, and mostly sane. And that is 100% due to our amazing, faithful, loving God and Father.
As soon as I was confirmed about 2 weeks ago on a repatriation flight for August 28th from Lima to Miami, the very recognizable pit in my stomach of anxiety materialized and I had to fight with that up until my arrival to Virginia. There was soo much to do to get my house organized and ready to be left for at least 6 months, plus planning for returning to the U.S. and quarantining with my parents praying and hoping none of us gets sick. The anxiety, etc. is terrible and I don’t wish it on anyone. It is the physical manifestation of a very large idol in my life of pride and perfectionism. It shows itself outwardly as me being a very organized person with all my ducks in a row, but that is just a facade of me trying to control everything in my situation. And I pay for it dearly in sleepless nights, nausea leading to lack of appetite, headaches, exhaustion, etc. Very not cool….
Even though I dealt with the debilitating affects of all of that for 2 straight weeks, Jesus was my constant companion. As I daily forced myself to eat and actively fought to not lose it mentally, praying and worshiping Jesus was the only salve to my crazy. He was my ever present help in times of trouble. And I mean quite literally. Every single step of the travel process provided a very real opportunity to stress out, and I just constantly prayed for Jesus to calm my stomach, calm my nerves, and take over my thoughts. The ONLY thing that would divert my mind and its wanderings while also calming my stomach allowing me to eat was silently singing worship songs, meditating on them and God’s attributes and faithfulness, and praying. In the midst of craziness, I also felt so close to the Lord. He provided instant relief multiple times throughout these past 3 days as soon as I turned to Him. What a blessing to have trials like these so that we can see His ever present, personal help so clearly! I wouldn't want to repeat these past 2 weeks, but the closeness and intimacy of Jesus' presence has been such a joy!
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise
Just to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!