- Amanda McKinney
The Fight for Compassion
I often feel that I am in the midst of a whirlwind that never stops. My default introvert needs start to become idols as I feel like I can't catch a breath. I crave order. I crave stability. I crave routine. I crave quiet, me time. But that is not my reality. And my internal fight against my reality, I grow angry and react very badly. I become bitter and don't love.
I don't want to be angry at the differences from my passport country I now live in. The culture I live in now has many wonderful aspects to it, but the general view of time and order are very different from what I'm accustomed to. My self-imposed idol of always being punctual is useless. My self-pride in accomplishing my work is battered with the limited time allotted. My "rights" are obliterated as I crumble and fight to wade through these new realities.
Coming back from furlough, I was feeling like I had a better handle on my new reality, but I was also feeling very overwhelmed with the seemingly uphill struggle ahead to learn to accept with joy my new reality. I was quite frankly terrified of the apparent struggle ahead to learn a completely new way of functioning and being me. I felt like I need to redefine soo much about who I am and how I function. The "doer" in me was having a panic attack!
But how great is out God! Sometimes I am so awed with how faithful and steadfast He is in the midst of our crazy. Over the last few weeks God has slowly been showing me something that gives me such peace in the midst of my whirlwind. I need to completely let go of the "doer" trying to change how I function. I just need to come before my King of Kings every morning and put the day into His hands. As I cry out to Him to guide me each day and help me to be a light instead of brooding and hurt, I've slowly started to notice a difference in how I respond. As I pray for my Lord to help me be compassionate and loving towards the differences instead of angry, I found my heart recently anguished for some wrongdoing that has happened. And in the moment of me nearly crying for the situation, I realized that God in His faithfulness has allowed me to see a little fruit of my surrendering to Him. When I hurt for some of the differences that cause pain, I can respond with love and truth instead of bitterness and anger. What a sweet revelation! May I never stop learning to run to the cross for change!
And may we all learn to surrender our idols and rights to God who can then mold us to truly be able to love and have compassion in a whirlwind of a world!